Joke of the Day

This must surely be the Joke of the day!I saw it early in the morning...early as in 12am+.....haha...let's do a quick recap...

Joke No.1
Me: What happen to your mouse?
**: Acting crazy leh...
Me: ......(WTF...asking u a technical question and u gave me a superficial answer.Its like,you bring your spoilt TV to the repair shop,and the repairman ask you wat's wrong to your TV,and you replied "spoilt lor...")
Me: ..........(continued silent)
**: The click sometime got,sometime don't have lor...
Me: wheeled mouse ah?
**: no, optical mouse....it uses laser light...

At this point,I almost burst out laughing...I never heard of "Optical mouse using Laser"...is that a new invention?Hmmm..Maybe its happening in our Eastern part of the island....
Some pple have a tendency to talk like a pro when they have 'nothing up there'...only for pple to expose or mock at them.Usually found in management level...

Joke no.2
Me: ARE YOU SURE ITS LASER??!!
**: (realising been exposed) Hehe...not laser lar...some form of light....(gave crappy excuse which I catched no ball)the manual all in Japanese....
Me: (Are manuals supposed to tell you how the mouse work?I thought manuals only tells you how to make the items worked...No wonder you think its in Japanese...its alien to u..)
Me: Don't know,don't anyhow say.....
**: Wanna smock you mah......

Smock me?Ha!Don't know say don't know lar..still come out with silly excuses to cover her mistakes..Not that I'm a pro..but I think its just common knowledge that optical mouse don't use Laser...Otherwise,why is it called Optical?FYI,there are mouse using laser-technology..but it's not built on the Optical platform,but the "Fast RF" technology...

Bet her face is blushing by then...

Let's see how an Optical Mouse works...

Optical mouse actually uses a tiny camera to take 1,500 pictures every second. Able to work on almost any surface, the mouse has a small, red light-emitting diode (LED) that bounces light off that surface onto a complimentary metal-oxide semiconductor (CMOS) sensor. The CMOS sensor sends each image to a digital signal processor (DSP) for analysis. The DSP, operating at 18 MIPS (million instructions per second), is able to detect patterns in the images and see how those patterns have moved since the previous image. Based on the change in patterns over a sequence of images, the DSP determines how far the mouse has moved and sends the corresponding coordinates to the computer. The computer moves the cursor on the screen based on the coordinates received from the mouse. This happens hundreds of times each second, making the cursor appear to move very smoothly.

No prizes for guessing who "**" is......

Eventful Day

What an eventful mid-week....
Yesterday,Wednesday,was quite a busy and eventful day..had me so tied up that I can zzz at 6am!!
Its Thursday today,btw..I don know how to change the time & date settings in Blog lar...not like Sally like that...always edit here,change that...see-beh pro like that...
Ok..here is it...
Woke up at 10am or so...Saw Twinkle online...after some bickering (as usual) which I let her win for the day,since its her 1-year-older Day...
Then went to my poly..sigh..need to rush a project..well,went poly eat lunch 1st..wow..so many mei-meis...wanna drip saliva liao..haha...saw this gal wearing translucent top..wah..but see the face...sigh...let's just say my food is more 'delicious'...kekeke
Anyway,went to the library to do some serious work..but then,my stupid laptop keep cannot get the wireless network in the poly..been trying to get it working since a year ago when I discovered NP got free wireless network and my outside friends were surfing happily..yet somehow,mine cant accept...after half an hour,still couldnt get it to work...hmm..decided to approach a technical staff in one of the nearby help center...considering I'm not a student,its quite a risk..
Ok..reach the place liao...went in,saw a botak chinese 'uncle'..
============================
Me: errr...I have problems logging in to NPNet..can you help?Could it be my network card cannot accept the network? (Must kay-siao act dumb first)
Botak: Are you a student here? *hand me a log book* nah,write your student number and name here.

What student number?me of cos no student number...never mind,just any how write 1..saw the previous 1 wrote s1xxxxxx...the "1" must have meant 2001 student...hmm..be act smart abit...write s2xxxxxx...2002 student~~hehehe

Botak: eh?how come is s2 one?there's no s2 mah..are you a student here?Show me your student card.
Me: I'm a part time student here..doing 5 year cos...In Electrical..I din bring student card leh..cos today no class...
Botak: then give me your student number..I check for you..this one only 7 digits..should have 8 digits...
Me: I cant remember leh..I seldom use 1....You just help me configure lar..can anot... (*at this point,my laptop already booted-up liao)
Botak: How can...?We cannot do for outsider one...Outsider not supposed to use the network...
Me:You just help me this time lar...can anot?(*Tmd...as if want a piece of his flesh like that..help a bit will die meh?)
Botak: cannot lar...How I know u student anot...here write clearly liao,must be student then can...

Nah Bay..at this point,have to take risk liao...obviously he's not willing to help.Time to throw in my last tactic and take a gamble!!

Me: *show DL face,acted annoyed,buay-song,gently slam my laptop* Ahh..don't help don't help lar...*mumble softly* as if help will die like that....
Botak: .......Ok lar..I help u this time lar....come...*take my laptop and start configuring*

Me: *secretly laughing...hee...tactic works!!* okok..thanks leh....
=============================
Moral of the story: When all negoiation tactics ran out,it's time to make a take-or-break.Nothing to lose anyway.You try,still got chance.You don try,confirm no chance.
-----------------------------
Me: *go back library happily surf net....and throw my project one side..*
kekekekeke


8PM...rushed home to watch the Project SuperStars....
I think hor,the talents of the contestants in this chinese version of Spore Idols, are not as rich as the English version ones...But the judges in the chinese version one,are definitely more encouraging than in Spore Idols...The Spore Idols judges are simply sacastic for the sake of creating jokes out of the poor contestants....may seems fun in the initial stages,where they screen out the clowns and jokers, but plain turn-off when the competition get serious....
Anyway,last nite show,I think the 1st 3 guys' performances are so-so only..espceially the 1st 2 chaps...sing like karaoke like that...wonder how the Jean Yip (is that her name?) can give scores as high as 8.5/10!!The scores outta the 5 judges were like a sine wave...up down up down...something like 6, 8, 5.5, 7.5, 5...
If anything,I think the fourth guy,the self-proclaimed 'cute guy'(he's a NP grad btw..i saw his posters in the campus yesterday) did well...when he sings,it sound like an experienced singer,and his dance moves arent that awkward..I thought his dancing did well enough to make a 'communication' with the audience when there's this part he 'looked' at the audience while delivering his dances..it was like a seasons pro~~The rest?Let's say they're more like,as the judges said,ducks and bears hopping around...and their singing really seems..you know,turn-off.How did they managed to get so far btw?

Midnight...Gotta go fetch my mum from the airport..Did I mentioned she went to China's Jiu Zai Jou? Well..her flight was scheduled to arrive at midnight..but those China Pilots somehow delayed it to 1am!by the time we left the airport,1.40am already!!Damn pilots!Why cant they fly faster?
Oh ya..my mum...well,she went for 1 week..I was like,wow!So damn peaceful for the last 1 week!No constant ringing of the phone,no naggings,and no loud talking when I watching TV...damn shiok!!every day lived in darkness..(din bothered to switch on lights)and when I'm awake,I have the entire house to myself..blasting all my Wu Bai hokkien tunes away...(to piss off my nuisance neighbours who enjoyed vacumm their poach at 5.30AM and beeping their 3 cars' alarm at 12MN!)damn shiok...
Ok..waited for my mum at the exit...gee..I was standing just 5 meters from her,waiting for her to spot ther handsome charming son nearby..and she was looking everywhere for me...and even got her folks friends to call my HP!!sigh~~
Once in the car..she and her 2 friends start to grumble abt the trip..like how dangerous this place is,how life-threatening that trip was...she was talking in one of the place where the bus was driving next to a cliff,no less recklessly,and the cliff was like 15-storey high...if down down,sure die...then the friends cut in and correct her..."thousands of feet"..hmmm..I presumed thats abt 30 storeys....
Their yakking makes me so sianz and depressed..sigh...my days of peaceful are over~~sob sob~
Then when the friends got off,she started to talk to me:" Di ah~~tell u hor..next time don't go Jiu zai Jou..damn dangerous!!!"... WTF...din I told you way before the trip it's dangerous,ask you don go?Now you're echoing my words!!Why else do u think I bought the travel insurance for u? ~sigh...old pple...stubborn like a mule...

More shocks for her when she reaches home.....

Step into the house....
Mum: You din keep the fruits in the altar ah??Been so long already!!!
Me: did you instruct me to do that?Aiyah..the fruits still looked ok mah...I din even burn joss-sticks,not to mention the fruits...

Step into wash area....
Mum: How come the clothes' pail is on the table???
Me: Aiyah...wash clothes mah..so just leave it their lor...easier to wash face from there also....
*I continued with my nonsenses...to 'entertain' her....

The shockiest...which left me stunned also....

Step into kitchen...
Lift up the food's cover....
Mum: WHAT IS THIS!!!???
* took a look...kowz...its FOOD!! I din know there are food under those covers!!*
Me: errrr....must be Sis' cook fried rice that day,left the ingredients there...Its luncheon meat and fried eggs....*sensing trouble..gonna make my escape*
Mum: "That day" is when???!!!
Me: errrr....S......S.....S...SSSunday... *laying my head on the chopping board*
Mum: *shake head* You pple ah....sigh...dont say you pple ah....sigh X 3.....
Me: *phew~~*

Haha...eventful hor?And by the time I finished the New Paper I bought earlier in the day..5am liao..then play abit of my hp's game...5.30am zzzz....

Ok ...finally finished the day's stories...
here's some songs to share....

Hungry?

Hungry?This will make a good meal...

Sianz~~

What a damn sian weekend...supposed to work on my project..but...too lazy lar...still haven touch a bit! :P
I'm start to get bored with life...I wanna get something to keep myself occupied...should I get a job?Hmmm..I'm toying on the idea now...hmmm...my insurance fren keep physcho-ing me to join her line..say her mentor, Ramli, wants to meet me...Siao!!I don't even know who this Ramli is,and you're telling me he wants to meet me?Yeah..try harder...tell him the only Ramli I knew,is the "Ramli Burgers"!!! hahaha....
Anyway,I told her,ya,I will meet him,if he wears a skirt!What for I want to meet a burly Malay guy?As if the planet hasn't has it hands dealing with the MALAY terrorist....
Maybe,if there is a Miss Ramli,I'ld be interested.....
So,should I get a job?Maybe I should go sell Ramli Burgers hor...hmmm.....

Links to share

Saw a clip showing an amazing magic trick!!Its unbelivable!

Also, here's a link to lots of radio stations online!Don't ask me if these are real radio stations..I din see 933 here..but it seems to have all kinds of music for play..I got an anime channel playing now..

My Logitech mouse which I used for my notebook was acting crazily since last nite..so today specially dropped down to Sim Lim and bought 1.This is the 'bargain' I found.Gee...I swear its the cheapest in the whole SLS..other shops sell $23-25,and I found this for $19 in Fonny's.Further bargaining cut the price to $18!What a good deal for a branded optical mouse with 3-yr warranty!!My fren,Mike,would be happy to tell u what happened to his fancyful $18-with-free-pad Emtec mini wireless mouse.Well,he dumped it after less than a week,cos it went crazy..Always trust big names when buying mouse.Some brands to avoid: Emtec,A1pro,A4Tech and other brandless ones than u never heard before.... 

Update:
Update a bit...I realised that my old Logitech mouse is still functioning well!!Yeah!!Must be the software conflict..did I tell anybody my new 'hobby'?I'm trying to crack WEPs!Laymen terms(for people like Twinkle who probably translate 'WEP' into "Where Eat Prata"): WEP is the password to a private wireless network. Me is this case,is trying to hack into my neighbours' network!Why?Cos I'm damn DL that my own network is giving me a miserable signal 'bar',elseas my neighbour's showed FULL!!WTF.See beh buay song!! So I got some softwares,and need to keep switching my network's card driver..which probably cause the crazy reaction of my mouse....
Anyway,that new mouse can wait...3 years unfilled warranty...no hurry lar~~

Shit you, NKF!!!

What's in the news lately?
A quick scan of the news papers yesterday popped up some 'interesting' news..the Liu HongMei Funeral, the Huang Na Murder Trial, the Nathan Re-election...and the one that takes the cake: The NKF Saga !

Anybody donates to NKF recently?Anybody called the 1900 hoping to 'save a life and win a prize'? I'll be the first to admit 'I didn't'.Let me see...when's the last time I donated to NKF...hmm..about 2 yrs ago,when it was dug out somewhere that they had $189Mils of reserves!!That disgusted me!Limpeh don't even have $1Mil..The only Mils I have,and probably matching their hundreds of Mils, are my sperm cells!Hmm..maybe their Mils beat me on that as well...

So,are you kicking yourself silly for donating to NKF? I am.And I'm not even a donor, though I gives in the past. Let me do a quick summary of where your donation goes...
1) A gold tap costing $990 (after 10% discount) in CEO TT Durai's posh office suite's bath room.
2) Costly German toilet bowl and other fittings in the same bath room.(Man,how long did he spend in the bath room everyday?And all this for a single person's use?)
3) A fleet of 8 cars, and road tax,maintainence and other expenses of Durai's Mercs E200 which is used by his family as well!
4) First Class air tickets "as long as it won't bust SIA's published rates for Business Class"
5) Monthly salary of $25k to Durai, with yearly bonus of 10-12 months!!that made it $1.8Mils in 3 years!!
6) And many more...if the trial continues....

For the record, the trial was about NKF sueing SPH for a 'defamation suit" over an articles which a contractor claimed he installed a $1K tap in Durai's office. There's another complaint within this case NKF made against SPH, but was thrown out by the judge. Anyway, with Snr Counsel Davinder Singh's pressing probes, NKF's unknown secrets were slowly rolling out like a can of worms.Its no wonder they decided to throw in the towel before more secrets are let out.Just the facts revealled in the 2 days trial is enough to cause anger in the public.Just look at the news group "soc.culture.singapore".Lots of messages were directed at NKF and Durai.

I have to applause my mum.She never donates to NKF.She condemn NKF in facts.Every time NKF's ads ran,she will lash out at them.Nowadays,NKF's ads looks more like Singapore Pools'.I can't hear anything in the ads that indicates the money is for donation purposes, and if u watch the ads, there's only a small miserable icon showing the NKF logo.The entire ads focus on prizes,not the donation!!Frankly, I rather put my $ in S'pore Pools,rather than such "lucky draws" with small prizes.

Now,are you guys out there angry that your hard earned $ goes to the luxuries of these NKF people?How did they pay for these luxurious items??From the $ you thought you're 'helping' kidney patients!!Do you have a gold tap in your bath room?Do you have 10-12 months of bonus?Do your car's maintenance get sponsored by somebody?Have you seen a First Class cabin? NO! No! No! I don't have such 'prilevges'.So,what right do a Fund-Raising body have?You mean,with a monthly salary of $25K,that Indian fucker can't afford to maintain his own bloody car?Can't a $25 tap do the same job as the $990 tap?A German-made toilet bowl is more comfortable than a China-made one?Maybe it is,but how long are you sitting on it everyday?Your shit smells better out of a German shit-pot?

I feel so injustice for the 2 persons who are sued by NKF,and with no means of taking them on,they had to publicly apologised and paid no less than $50K of compensation.1 of them merely commented he saw Durai in a First Class seat,which is the truth!

In my opinion, NKF, though "denied that there was a deliberate strategy to mislead the public", they are in every way GUILTY! How do you explain they First Class seats?Just becos the budget is 'SIA's published rated for Business Class", you took another airline's 'First-Class' which cost about the rate for SIA's Business Class?If this isn't deliberately working out the sums to your advantage,what is?And you shamelessly declared that you 'paid the differences'. Is Economy-Class very embarrassing for you?
And you have the cheek to muscle your way and sent lawyer's letter and forced the 2 poor chaps to make public apology and pay $50k compensation?Did we donate to NFK for such purposed?For you to happy happy send lawyer's letter to anybody?Finally,you got a match in SPH!Make sure you pay the court fees out of your own pockets!!Leave the funds alone!
When news broke out that NKF have $189Mils, NKF did not deny.However,they insisted the money could last only 3 years.Now,the reserve stands at $262Mils.Minus off the incoming and outgoing funds, there's a shortfall of about $7Mils.If the $7Mils are taken out from the reserve,it could last 40 years!!What 3 years are you talking about??
NKF's pool of patients had shrinked from 54 per cent in 1999 to 44 in 2003, in a reply to Parliament last year by Mr khaw,the Minister of Health.Yet NKF maintain "had not deliberately set out to create a false impression to attract more funds." Numbers had been inflated to attract more $. If this is not cheating, what is?
I feel so sorry for the TCS and overseas stars.I'm sure some of them knew these beforehand,and would be reluctant to perform,just like I'm reluctant to donate.But for their rice bowl,they had no choice.And their performances involved dangers.1 of the actress a few years back suffered an injury that caused her sense of 'taste' to be disabled.
I hoped MOH will step in and change the entire NFK board of directors and of cos,the damn CEO!

Let's do our part in this petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/nkfs/petition.html

Some news links:
http://www.asia1.com.sg/st/st_20050713_328263.html
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/cna/singapore.htm

Good stuff sent by my fren, Ar1C 

Damn Virus!

Last night,working on my laptop... had just download CuteFTP Pro 7.0...need the cracks since the serials don't work...so..went to some hack sites and download some "cracks"...GNN turned to be something else..even though din complete the setup of this crack, it managed to release itself into my Windows and integrated itself with the IE,showing links to casinos,porns etc..This is Spyware, Twinkle...
Anyway,had past experiences with spywares..no problems with this one lar...that's what I thought. This Spyware,called "Azesearch", gave a tough fight.My trusty spyware scanners couldn't deal with it,if they managed to pick it up at all. Soon, another spyware call "Anti-Virus Gold" embedded into my system,constantly showed the "Virus Warning!!your system is infected!!"..thought it's gonna give me a solution...went to the links given..ya..will given solution,for a price..Damn!!The "Anti-Virus Gold" must be part of the sneaky gang!!Worse,my Norton couldn't pick it up.Believed it's not virus but spyware actually.Anyway, it managed to change the screen of my windows and I was like,racing against time for my Norton to do something! Damn...bo pian..did the ultimate remedy!! "RESTORE SYSTEM" is what I did next...and well, it managed to stop the advances of "Anti-Virus Gold",after which I delete the folder from my program files.But the damn "Azesearch" refused to be beaten!! Tried to Restore System to an even earlier time,but it remains there..damn..pissed me out liao..undid the Restore System for a tough fight...disable the internet connection,then spent 1.5 hours for 2 spyware scanners and Norton to do their work.Nah...don't work at all.Icons still remain.Went into Windows file and search for all "AZE*" files and delete away...looks okay now...but don't know it's really okay anot...Pray Tua Peh Gong don't let it appear again...Damn Spyware!!took me 5 hrs for this battle!

$130 for annual card subs??Do I looked like a sucker?

Just woke up...brushed my teeth...looked at the clock..hmm...12.30pm...postman should been here already...open mailbox,saw a mail sent by HSBC to me..hmmm..din use this card for quite some time liao...the only reason why I got this card is becos of the FREE registration's gift..which is a cool headphone (HSBC always very generous with their gifts) mind you..its the German premium brand Sennheiser...did I mentioned actually the gift they supposed to give me when I signed up, is a lousy Olumpus FLIM camera which even brand new at $20,nobody wants to buy in Yahoo's auction? ...Well,they cooked up some saga during my registeration...so I took the opportunity to have the headphone instead of the crappy camera..The camera would be a useless dust collector anyway...Back to the saga...it was becos they didn't send me the supposed gift(camera), and after 6 weeks, I called to enquire.It was they they told me its for NEW subscribers only..kowz..am I not a new subscriber,even though I had a HSBC card which I terminated 1.5 yrs ago?Nope..they said..they shocking part: The card is still active, and the account is still in use...WTF!!!Since I terminated the card,should they delete the account, or disable it?Why is it still active?? Damn Beh song...so make a big fuss over it...and eventually,they bowed to my demands...kekeke.But lesson learnt: don't assume your card is inactive after you terminated it..some crooks out there may just tamper with it..
Oh ya..the annual fees...they billed me $131.25 for the annual fees!!!Now, which goondu will pay annual fees when credit cards are as common as ATM cards?For your information,even DBS sent me a Black Card AND a Platinum for nothing!Not even income documents required,and I had not used my DBS/POSB credit cards since 2000! Now this HSBC want to collect $131.25 for annual fees?Pls...don't take me for an idoit...I'm much better at bargaining than you think...Let's see what gifts I can get from HSBC instead.....

Spyware?What's that?

Recently,I saw a post in the newsgroup about this website giving FREE scans for Spyware...Well,no harm trying...so I went to the site and took a look.The site required me to install something.So I just install lor...ok..Installed liao..scan liao...revealed my PC got quite a number of spyware stuff...to clear it, I need to buy it for don't noe how much lar...Not one who will pay for such services, I found a crack for it and VIOLA!!There it goes...it worked for me FREE!!!Some people will say,you cleared other spywares with this,but,this thing will install it's own spyware in your PC!!Well, I agreed...But if I can choose to replace 1 spyware for 100 spywares, why not?
So far,quite happy about this software lar..Frankly,I don't know much about spywares...but as long as this software do its job,everytime scan,show me something(the more the merrier),I'll be more than happy with it...
If you guys are interested, the cracks for this software is: "email: m@m.de" "Serial: 3856-16B6-D805-7923 "

This remind me of another story....
I was telling that Twinkle*Pig abt this software,how it can clear spyware,blah blah blah....with much lengthy intro....Well...I realised I'm wasting my time & efforts explaining when she asked point-blank:" What's a Spyware??" GOD...Pls take her....

ORD loh!!!!

ORD loh!!!!
Finally,after 7 long years...I got back my pinky IC!!!Tonight,after 2359,I will offically be a "Mr" instead of "SGT"!!!!Fxxk the military....you wasted me 7 long years!!!Give me lots of nonsenses...especially the 2000 NDP cum SAF Day cum RSAF Day cum Children's Day!!!Limpeh Cum your head!!hahahahaha!!!